My Undertale Diary!

2023.03.23

I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO WRITE ABOUT MEGALOVANIA MAKING ME MISS THE BUS

Okay, well thankfully I didn't actually miss it, but I was terrified enough of that outcome that I rushed as fast as I could out of the house. What is usually a leisurely 12 minute walk became a 6 minute sprint! I arrived breathless and panting at the bus stop with only seconds to spare before it crested the hill... all because I was so busy trying to get Saster's remix of "Megalolazing" on my phone before I left!!!

Listen... When I say this song is good? That doesn't even begin to describe it. On my first listen— I discovered it totally randomly btw, I think it just popped up in my YouTube recommendations or something— I could not contain my excitement. I had to get up and dance. I was bopping my head, waving my arms around, saying out loud to my empty room, "why is this song so good?!" IT HAS NO BUSINESS BEING THAT GOOD!!!!

I quickly realised that all of Saster's remixes are equally amazing. Megalolazing is my favourite, but I also really like the tracks he made for Friday Night Funkin' x Undertale crossover mods. I'm smitten with this remix in particular, and with the art used in the video as well. I want to use it as my wallpaper soooo bad, but I'm struggling to track it down. The artist credit is helpfully provied, but without links to any social media or galleries?! So, I haven't given it the full sleuthing treatment yet, but if anybody knows where DeMonto hangs out please let him know I'm obsessed with the way he draws Sans!!! And that I need his .JPGs ASAP!!!!

Ugh, I listened to the song again when I grabbed the link, and the same compulsion to dance completely overtook me. I didn't get up this time, but I did do some very ungraceful wiggling in my seat. I love Megalovania. I've mentioned before that I wanted to make a "ranking" article for the best remixes but... Well, I'm realising that that may be too ambitious. Megalovania isn't just a song anymore, but a genre. People make remixes, and other people make covers of those remixes, and those covers get mashed up into yet more remixes. It's insane. There's a whole Megalovania expanded universe that I'm only beginning to comprehend.

And that's not even touching on the remixes that are created with specific AUs in mind. To be honest, I couldn't give a single shit about "Storyspin"— just 'cause on first glance it looks kind of weird and boring— but I'm so, so, infinitely grateful for its existence because it gave me Megalolazing (Resastered). Even the original version of the song is painfully mediocre. Like, it has potential, but it's not really doing anything and that's so frustrating. Thank Goddess for Saster, who so valiantly swooped in to make it into the best song I've ever freaking heard. I'm halfway convinced that he's running some kind of Megalovania Remix Rehab Clinic. Bring your bad song to Saster and he'll fix it right up!

My favourite part of the song is at about the 1 minute mark. I guess it's the breakdown/bridge? The post-chorus? Who cares what it's called, what matters is that I just love the stripped down melody, the little staccato Bonetrousle leitmotif... IT'S SO GOOD. IT MAKES ME IMMENSELY HAPPY!!!!!! But not happy enough that I'd be willing to miss the bus for it. Very wise of me to give up on the file transfer and listen via SoundCloud instead.

2023.03.21

I Still Want to Kill Him

Can you imagine how terrifying a No-Hit Sans run must be from his perspective? Like... he's out here giving it his all, using his best attacks, pulling out all the stops, trying desperately to make you give up, and nothing works. He's already completely lost his shit by that point. I feel like being unable to land a single hit would push him right over the edge of despair.

Even better if you taunt him back the way he taunts you. "What, you think I'll just stand there and take it?" Giving him a taste of his own medicine, heh heh.... But I guess it's not as funny when you do it. It's just plain scary.

And he'd know that you're dodging everything perfectly only because you practiced. You've been here hundreds of times. How many times have you killed him? How long has it taken you to memorise his movements? And what in the world compels you to come back here again and again? You've already won! What are you after? Why are you so determined to survive his battle and flawlessly cut him down?

That sort of thing would make anybody lose their focus and start asking questions. Now I'm desperate to write the No-Hit Sangoki fanfiction.... Maybe that's how they break up their pattern in the Judgement Hall. By the mid-point/false spare, Sans will have realised that something is deeply wrong. And after Goki perfectly dodges his final attack, and they're just sitting there stuck on Sans' turn, she'll openly celebrate. Like with a party popper and everything, lol. Maybe then they'll get to talking about her motivations, why she's so obsessed with him, and how only a deeply deranged person would subject both herself and the object of her so-called affetions to something like this.

I want her to talk about how accomplished she feels (she worked really hard for this, after all), but how she misses getting injured, too. The pain is half the fun, and when it's him killing her, she even enjoys dying. Sans is very disturbed by this. Worse yet is the big smile on her face as she says it.

Sounds like it could be a good story...! I don't know when I'll have the chance to write it, but I'm glad that I've got the idea down for later.

2023.03.13

He's Nice to Me

You know how, during Sans' special attack, if you move around too much in the bullet box when he's awake, he'll ping your soul back to the center? I like to imagine that, when I'm reaching to do something bad, that's what he does to my hand, haha. He's observant, so he'd notice, and this "pinging" thing seems pretty effortless on his part, so there's no reason why he wouldn't correct me. It's easier to be kind to myself when I think, "Sans wouldn't want that for me." I like to imagine both his scolding and his encouragement. In general, I think yume is a way for escapist women like myself to practice healthy self-talk. One day I'll write an essay about that, but right now I just want to wash the dishes. Even chores are easier when I think about him.... He wouldn't want to do them, so it's definitely, definitely up to me!!!

One Week Later Update: I've started saying "ping" out loud when I move my hand away. It reminds me of the people who Pavlov themselves into feeling happy. While I don't think Sans would go through the effort of clicker training me in any timeline, it's still a nice/funny thought.

2023.03.09

Spectularly Sansified Space

I spent most of Tuesday putting Sans on my stuff. Like, look at this.

I also put a sticker of his face over my front camera ahaha. I think I need to put something over the back camera, too, something easily removable, so that I can lay my phone face-down and appreciate the cute artwork!!! That's a sticker, by the way. I printed it out on 4x6 matte photo paper, taped it to sticker paper, cut both pieces in the correct shape, and then stuck it on the back of my phone underneath my clear plastic case. It was a lot of work!!! It helped that I did it wrong like 4 times, lol. Somehow I kept mixing up which side of the paper was sticky and which was going to peel away... But none of the paper went to waste, at least!!

He's everywhere in my room right now... Hanging over my monitor, standing inside my PC case, hanging up on my wall... I even put a sticker of him inside my trash can! It'll motivate me to take out the trash more often!!!!!

Even so, this is still not enough. I have empty picture frames waiting for him. I have blank spaces on my monitor table where I'm thinking I'll put some more stickers. I already put him inside my wallet, but on only two of three pockets, and I want to put him on my bank card, too. And on top of that, my randoseru decoration idea is looking more and more feasible.

I was recently asked, "what are you gonna do when you dump Sans and find another love?" A little annoyed, I immediately replied that I doubt that's going to happen. THIS IS THE GUY FOR ME! I've never felt this way about any other character. No other love has been so persistent... It's like drifting apart from your childhood crush and halfway forgetting about them, only to reunite ten years later, get married, and live happily ever after. I genuinely think I could be happy with him forever. And if a real-life relationship is in the cards for me... well, great! But there has to be room for Sans too!!!