My Undertale Diary!

2023.03.07

Undertale Fangames for Girls

Not to toot my own horn, but I'm an excellent typist. I type at a steady 80-90wpm, and when I'm showing off, the fastest I get is just over 100wpm. The only problem is... I never learnt to type numbers. I'm pretty sure they ran out of time for those lessons in my middle school keyboard class, and I am all the worse off for it. So, seeking to remedy this, I thought I'd play some typing games! And what better way to find one that'll hold my attention by innocently searching "undertale typing game"...

I'm not sure what I expected, but it led me down a rabbit hole of UT fangames that are completely unlike any I've seen before. Until now, I only knew of fan-made battles— all of which are way too hard for me, someone who can't even beat vanilla Sans— so imagine how delighted I was to discover games that are within my realm of skill!

One day I'll make a page dedicated to all the ones I've played (or at least watched gameplay footage of), but for now this will have to do. I just want to get my thoughts down while they're still fresh— and that's exactly what this diary is for! Look at me, using things as intended. It's lovely.

Anyways, Tauriel Teaches Typing is "for boys" in the sense that it is still a bullet hell, and even though a minute ago I was bragging about being such a fantastic typist, I'll admit it: that game is tough!!! I didn't finish it because I felt the difficulty increasing and I wasn't in the mood for a struggle. Maybe one day I'll go back to it. I did like everything that I saw so far!

I much preferred Papyrus Teaches Typing. That game was very short but very, very charming, and the character voices were all excellent. I'm smiling just thinking about it. I think it made me appreciate Asgore a little more, too... That's all I can really say without spoilers though. Like I said, it's super short, so if you're a fan of Undertale, just go play it right now!!!

Even more my speed were— no surprises here— the games that centered Sans. There's a tiny Android game called Sansgotchi which is exactly what you think it is. Sans is your virtual pet whom you feed greasy food to and play rhythm games with. Haha, writing that out, I actually kind of miss Tamagotchi for realsies now... The game that you can play with babytchi where you have to catch the music notes used to really frustrate me when I was little, but it was always fun once I got the hang of it.

Still, virtual pets are a little annoying. I would only get one again if I was planning on modding it into a real actual Sansgotchi. The idea of making a fake, non-interactive Sansgotchi keychain was suggested to me once before, and I loved the idea then!!! So who knows... Maybe that sort of hardware modding is in my future. It's not a project I can justify undertaking right now, nor do I feel ambitious enough to attempt it just yet, but it is something to think about for sure!

The last game I played was a Sans romance visual novel called Dating Start! It was very, very charming and full of surprises. I was actually really surprised by how much I liked it! The characters were all well-written, and I appreciated how much like The Real Undertale it felt. The dynamics between humans and monsters, the mechanics of SAVE, LOAD, and RESET... All of that was given very careful thought. I'm pretty sure there's a G-Route, too, which funnily enough I did not play. You should always do True Pacifist first, shouldn't you? Hehe. I might not have it in me to RESET just to kill Sans but... well, I want to see what happens. And you know I love to torture him!

Sometime soon I really, really want to write about how my feelings towards him are changing. If you count my teenaged obsession, I've been in love with him for a long, long time, so even though I only came to terms with it ~7 months ago, and (for various reasons) my devotion has wavered, I feel like we've truly been through a lot. I don't want to get into it too much right now, but that whole "I want him to kill me" thing? That came from a place of deep, deep self-loating. And I don't hate myself so much anymore! So naturally, my ideas are changing, too...

I'm glad to have Sans as an outlet for exploring my self-esteem. It will be a lot of fun for me to actually write our story with all the appropriate themes and motifs and character arcs and whatnot... Ahh, so exciting!!! I want to get to it ASAP. Maybe today I'll draw us a bit more.

And OMG, can someone PLEASE remind me to get a proper gallery script?! I just added some new art and like... the way I do it... is so dumb. Yeah, it's pure HTML+CSS which I always like, but also?! This is the future! We have Javascript for a reason!!

2023.02.18

Minisculosity

The other day when I was out walking, I rescued a page of Burger King coupons from a pile of fallen leaves. I'd just been complaining that I stopped getting them in the mail, and there they were, sun-faded and water-damaged like so much trash. I pocketed them with intent to use them that very night. I couldn't help but think, "Sans would appreciate this resourcefulness." Wish he was real so we could split a Whopper Meal For Two.

I like to imagine he's with me when I go out alone. I like to pretend we're holding hands. On particularly bad days I imagine he hugs me from the side as we walk, sort of shielding me, sort of holding me upright. He's a good guy. In a world where I'm a good person, I think he might actually like me, at least a little. But we'll get to that later, some other day.

For now... My heart-shaped picture frame is in the shop. On Monday it will be fitted with a gorgeous print of Sans, and on Wednesday I'll pick it up and bring it home and hang it up in my bedroom, over my chest of drawers. I'm really looking forward to seeing him first-thing every morning, since that's the wall that faces my bed. It'll be good decoration all around.

I got another pair of picture frames today, too. They're stuck together by a hinge, it's actually quite cute. I don't know where to put it yet— maybe I'll make space on my desk? I should think about what pictures I want to put inside, too. 4x6 portraits, preferably part of a set. Maybe I'll frame Classic and Dust, my two favourite flavours of Sans. We'll see.

Other than that...? Haven't drawn him much at all. I'm writing again, but only a little bit. My creativity has been kept alive mostly by a self-indulgent crack crossover RP with another yumejoshi friend. I'm writing for both of our fictional beloveds while she does our OCs— unconventional, but way more fun than you'd expect. Here's the "family portrait" lol.

Yes, that's Il Dottore Genshin Impact. Don't ask.

I'm so tired lately... I miss Sans. I miss him so much. Maybe I need to read some more fanfiction, or play Undertale again, or start writing about him more. I feel too burnt-out to write any fanfiction myself (I was able to churn out 1k worth of vignettes the other day, but that's just because I was so inspired), so maybe I could just... write stuff like this? Or about my feeling for him in general..? How they've been changing, what it means for our story...

And speaking of our story, I've attempted twice to recreate this image as a CSS-only webpage.

My wacky combination of ::before and ::after elements was just not working, though. I think I'll have to draw it as a proper image and then use an interactive SVG map. That shouldn't be too hard— I might not even need to wait to use to my tablet. I sure do miss drawing though... SIGH... I really have got to finish my PC. Everything will be better then.

I'm so, so, so tired. I just want to take a nap with him. I wouldn't mind waking up every day if he was with me...

2023.01.17

Silent Serenades and the Extremely, Absurdly Long List

I practiced "Hungry Nicole" again today because my capo arrived in the mail. Can you believe I've been playing ukulele for 7 or 8 years, but this is the first real capo I've ever owned? Usually I'd just modify the chords themselves to better fit my key, and when there was no way around it, I'd fashion a makeshift capo out of a pencil and a hairband. The only reason I bought one is because I couldn't find a pencil dinky enough to work! (It's got to be short, about as long as my fretboard is wide.)

So yes... I have entered the realm of modern music technology and it feels good. I have to get used to this bulging thing getting in the way of my delicate barre chords, but the more I play, the less I notice it's there. Also with practice comes greater breath control. I never really stopped singing, but my lung capacity has noticeably decreased since I let this hobby fall to the wayside. There's a part in the pre-chorus that consistently trips me up since there's nowhere to breathe. I literally run out of air! Though I vaguely remember having this problem when I first learnt the song all those years ago... so maybe it's just flat out difficult.

Either way, I'm having a blast. For all the times I mess up— play the wrong note, mix up the strumming styles, or fumble the chord changes— I have three times as much as fun! I tried making some demos so I could share my progress here, and that is definitely coming soon! Just not today. I want to practice enough so I can do it all in one take, rather than stitch together separate recordings to cover up my failures, LOL.

... Wait a second. None of this is about Undertale. Fuck, I've got to say something about Sans! Quick! Well, here's a quote from me last night. I showed a friend my most recent Sans doodle page (it's in the Gallery, go look!!) and professed my love by comparing him to malignant illness. But if anyone is a tumor in this relationship, it's me, ahaha.

Anyways, I really DO like him, a lot, a lot, a lot!!! He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. Sans sleeps a lot himself, so I feel like he's perfect for both good morning and goodnight daydreams. Maybe I'll write about them sometime??? Agh, there's so much stuff to make, to refine, and share, it's almost overwhelming. Let me make a list of all the things I have started working on in some capacity, as well as things that are kinda just vague plans:

Sans Plans!!!

IRL

Randoseru decoration

I want to decorate my baby blue randoseru with stickers depicting Sans' boss battle. The stickers themselves will be black and white, allowing the bag's natural blue colour to show through. I have found some inspiration for the design, but before I start, I want to look into repairing the bag. The straps are a bit worn out, and the inside may need reinforcement as well. I've had this bag for years, and even then it was secondhand! It's old!!!

Framed Sans Prints

Last month, I bought some picture frames with intent to frame drawings of Sans and hang them on my walls. The smaller of the two needs to be painted white. The larger frame is fine as it is, but because it's huge and literally heart-shaped, I have to do some extra work to make the photo fit. I've come up with a super ghetto method of doing this where I print it on five separate pages, cut some away, and tape the remaining pieces together. It's uh... very obviously homemade, LOL.

So my demo print worked, and I did that a couple weeks ago! Since then, I've chosen the art I actually want to hang up— it's from this Sans UTAU cover of "Surges"— and all that's left is to sit down and make it happen. Maybe I should print it on my tiny 4"x6" photo pages instead of standard 8.5"x11"? I might get a slightly higher quality print that way, and maybe save paper too. If the pieces are smaller, I'll have more control over what gets cut away...

Eh. I'll think about it later.

SANSDOLL

My holy grail. I just can't justify buying him right now... SIGH.

Sans doll?

I was gifted a Sans plushie for Christmas and I love him SO MUCH. The only problem is that he's so small and his feet stick straight out, he's difficult to cuddle with. I thought about making a BIGGER Sans plushie, like as big as a pillow. That's a very huggable size!!

I know how to handsew, but my old projects were all very rudimentary and improvised. I was just a kid playing around. I've never taken on a serious project like this, but I'm willing to learn. I'm sure there will be patterns online that I could follow, and if necessary, I'll learn how to draw the pattern myself!!!

For now this is just a pipe dream. I'd rather work on the projects above this one first!

On The Web

Megalovania Remixes: RANKED!

This is the article mentioned in the entry below. I want to make a list of all the best Megalovania remixes, ranking them based on coolness, uniqueness, and trueness to the original. I'll also assign each a "charm point" and give a brief review. Since it's ranked, between 2nd and 1st place, I'll include honourable mentions: best attempts at ruining Megalovania.

Sansyume Timelines Explained

Because this is Undertale fandom, of course Sans and I have 4 billion AUs between us. I made a chart of the different timelines and their divergences, but... uh... well let's just say it's not very well designed. Why does it go from the BOTTOM to the top? What do the different colours mean?? It's kind of impossible to follow or understand it without a 2,000 word explanation tacked on. So I want to make an interactive subsection of the Undertale shrine where you can explore the stories in chronological order. The first thing I'm going to do is make it go FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. Jeez! Hahaha.

The main hurdle is writing the content, making the art, designing new outfits for Gokiburi-chan... It's a lot!!! But it's pretty important to me, too, so I definitely want to see it happen. It will just take a lot of time... and that's okay. Patience is a virtue, right? And I really, really want to write about Dusttale!!! Oh my GOD I can't wait!!!

Fanfiction.........

I have written a LOT of stuff about Sans, some of which might even be good enough to share?! So it would be nice to polish those up and host them here. At least the stuff very specifically about Gokiburi is best suited to stay on Vivarism. If I write any generic x reader content (unlikely), that can go on AO3.

Anyways, there's a specific 1,000 word drabble that I wrote late at night instead of sleeping. The premise is incredibly simple: Gokiburi sleeps in Sans' bed for the first time, and the inch he begrudgingly allows becomes a mile. In my opinion, it's a pretty cute story! Problem is, the tone of the first draft is very dark and hopeless. I'd like to inject some humour, even if it's still nihilistic. That's just Sans' way.

Character Profiles

This was how I initially planned to show off the different AUs and timelines, but now that I've realised just how sprawling the story is, it can't be just this. Still, I already coded it, and I had a ton of fun doing it, and I really like the layout, too!!! So I definitely won't scrap anything. Instead of having like four of these babies on one page, they'll be included one by one within each AU explanation. Yeah. That works. Maybe it would be nice to have them all compiled in the same place, too, though... IDK. I'll have to think about it!

Glossary of Terms!

People unfamiliar with self-shipping and/or Undertale who want to understand what the hell is going on here might benefit from a dictionary of sorts. I'd explain some basic universe mechanics in Undertale, as well as yumejo colloquialisms. For example, I use the terms "yume" and "self-ship" interchangeably— and wouldn't you love to know what that means?! I've already coded the page, but haven't written the content. Frankly, I don't really feel like doing it, since the image I drew to go on the side isn't as cute as I would like it to be... We'll see! If all I have to do is change the artwork, that much shouldn't be difficult.

Okay! That's it!!! That's all of them for now!!!!!

Oh my God, I feel like I've been writing for 300 years... Why is there so much... I guess I just really love Sans, huh? There's no other way I could dedicate this much brain space to thinking about him and looking for ways to include him in my life and showing off my feelings for him to the world... SIGH. Okay, I need a break for real. Are these entries as exhausting to read as they are to write?!

(Just reread the entry. No lol, this is riveting content and I ought to write more!)

2023.01.13

Casual Obsession

Before anything else, the Undertale section of Vivarism is a shrine. Here, I share with the world my devotion to Sans the Skeleton, the depravity of my self-insert characer, and all the sick, twisted thoughts I have about our imaginary interactions. Because of the strange subject matter, I initially believed this was done best with long-form, article-esque content. That gives me plenty of space to explain why I'm acting like such a weirdo, and in public no less— or at least distract the reader with some stunning visual effects. Since outing myself as a bonafide skeleton-fucker, several months have passed without incident, and as a result my autocringephobia is in full remission. I am now unstoppable. Hold on tight, 'cause it's time for Sans microblogging.

I jest. It was a joke, guys. 'Microblogging' is still buzzword of the week, right? Forgive me for being out of the loop. I don't use the internet anymore; I just lay in bed staring longingly at my Sans plush.

The point is, it occurred to me today that I have no outlet for my small-scale Sans sentiments, nowhere to share my underwhelming Undertale-adjacent undertakings. As an example: the other day, one of my favourite Vocaloid producers of all time, MARETU, released a cover of "Megalovania." In yesterday's world, if I wanted to gush about it, I'd have to spend 3 or 4 hours finally penning my article— 4 months in the making!— "The Definitive List of The Best 'Megalovania' Remixes." There's a reason why you're reading this page instead of that one. And the reason is: that sounds like a lot of work!!!!

Today, we live in a brighter future. A future of my own making— literally, I am coding the page as I write this entry— where I can just say whatever the fuck I want in however many words I feel like. This is so much preamble to say... what exactly? ... Oh no, I forgot. You know it's bad when even the author loses the plot in the exposition dump.

Okay, quite a bit of time has passed— a couple hours?— and a lot has changed in that time. First of all, while looking for a specific sprite of Sans, I discovered the official LINE sticker sets. When I saw this one I actually screamed out loud. HE'S SO CUTE! It's not fair how cute he is??? I'm almost angry about it. I absolutely, absolutely want to use them in this diary!!!

After that, I went back to coding... but as I worked, I was looping Nilfruit's "Hungry Nicole," which, I'm coming to realise, is truly the Sangoki anthem. I know I said that about "Wolf Like Me," too— and that statement still stands! It does!!— but "Hungry Nicole" is just...!!! AGH. I don't have the energy to explain it right now. After all, I just blew my throat out singing it. Even typing stings a bit because the fretboard destroyed my fingers, too.

All that is to say... I want to make an animatic. For a long while I kept telling myself, "why would I do that? That's dumb when I have a bunch of original characters who need that kind of time and energy." But now I'm thinking what's dumb is passing up inspiration and energy when it strikes, even if what it strikes is the most self-indulgent and commerical-unfriendly artwork I will ever make. (That is such an exaggeration. I'm being dramatic, I know.) If anything, it will be good practice for making something "serious" later on.

And all THAT is to say! I started storyboarding. Oops. Take a look at my sooper profeshunull work below:

(Click to open the images fully-sized in a new tab!)

If "Wolf Like Me," is the Sangoki Boss Battle anthem, then "Hungry Nicole" is their Domestic Hell anthem. (And I have 400,000 songs in my Dusttale playlist... but we'll get to that eventually.) It's a song about a selfish, unsustainable love in which you feel disgusted and resentful, yet unwilling (or perhaps unable?) to escape. The animatic will pretty much follow beat-for-beat what I wrote in my manifesto. To match the lyrics, the story is told from Sans' perspective. The main theme is Gokiburi's encroachment into Sans' life and his inability or unwillingness to stop her. Maybe if he pretends it's not happening, she'll get bored and go away. (Spoilers: she does not go away.)

Opposite to the song's canonical conclusion— an end to disillusionment— Sans grows increasingly complacent. The story ends with his outward reciprocation of Gokiburi's affections. What he's feeling inside is complicated, maybe even left up to the viewer's interpretation. Is he happy in his prison? Does he really love his captor, or is it just Stockholm syndrome? Or maybe it's all an act, some way to divert her attention or earn her favour. Who knows. All that's certain is that they are stuck together. Forever.

Ugh... what a good song. It's one of my top 3 fave Nilfruits tracks, and the only one which I know how to play. Since I first learnt the chords 2 or 3 years ago, and I'm rusty on the uke' in general, I want to take my time practicing. Because— that's right— I'll be making the audio myself, as well! I thought it would be really fun if everything in the video was my own creation. Well, aside from composing the song... and, uh... making the critically acclaimed Indie-RPG, Undertale...... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Even though I've been playing ukulele for years, I haven't ever made a proper recording. It will be interesting learning how that works. I've also never made an animatic!!! I used to make very simple animations (surprise, it was also Undertale fanart) but that was about 5 or 6 years ago. I'm excited to try it again. The whole thing will be a lot of work, but it'll also be lots and lots of fun.

This turned out to be a really long entry... Can I even fit more than one of these on the same page?? That seems unwise. Maybe I should split them up like my manifesto. Hm. My throat hurts. I'll soothe it with some chamomile tea and honey. While I drink, perhaps I'll edit the fanfiction I wrote I earlier in the month. I was obsessed with it at the time, so I'm sure I'll have a blast with the second draft. Or maybe I'll just relax.