Sans x Gokiburi-chan: Key Points

Who Am I?

Before anything else, let's lay the foundations. My self-insert's name is Gokiburi-chan, or Goki for short. She's a human who has fallen into the Underground, perhaps from another world entirely. I haven't quite worked out what I want to do with the meta-narrative, so just stick a pin in that. As far as chronology is concerned, Frisk doesn't exist or at least hasn't shown up yet, so Goki gets to be the seventh fallen human instead. To keep it simple, let's say she appears at the same point in the timeline, too.

Her SOUL colour is yellow to contrast the idiom, "heart of gold," with her uninhibited violence. Her weapon is a balisong knife that I own IRL. I'm 22, she's 22. I draw her small because I like size differences and I make the rules. If you're curious, you can read more about her visual design on my V E S S E L page. From now on I'll be referring to her in the first person because... well, you know. She is my "self," isn't she?

What Do I Want?

    Next, let's have a look at the themes which are integral to my relationship dynamic with Sans.

  1. Hostility: I want to do battle with him. That said, I have to provoke Sans beyond all reason to make him take me seriously enough for a real fight. I'm willing to settle for being enemies even without exchanging blows.
  2. Masochism: I want to be hurt by him, and either not mind or outright enjoy it. It's just how we bond, OK??
  3. Provocation and retribution: I want to earn his ire and deserve every ounce of the punishment I receive!
  4. An even match: Sans is a formidable opponent in tests of skill/strength and in battles of wit, and on top of that he's willing to play dirty. This balances out nicely with the fact that I'm... uh... literally immortal and by-design the strongest creature in the Underground. So, yeah, we're about even!
  5. Judgement: Sans (correctly) thinks I am a fucking weirdo and he doesn't particularly like me. At best, he tolerates me as someone he can remorselessly bully.
  6. Curiosity: He might not like me, but he's still intrigued by me. It's the scientist in him that's itching to figure me out.
  7. Humour: these stories are meant to be light-hearted entertainment for me and anybody watching through my window with binoculars.

Now, without further ado, let's see how we can make this work!

Wish Fulfillment ... Start!! ★ ☆ ★ ☆

Scenario #1

The Boss Battle. This is as bare bones as it gets: I kill everyone in the Underground just to meet with Sans! All of our important interactions take place in the Judgement Hall, before and during the battle. And after as well, I suppose, if you count him staring at and sighing pure exhaustion over my dead body before the timeline leaps back to revive me. The driving force of this narrative is my desire to be locked in combat with him, a reluctant hero who has no choice but to fight me for the fate of the universe. Maybe one of these days I'll even defeat him! But the day I kill Sans is the same day I reset to fight him again, and again, and again, because I never want to be apart. For a creature like me, death means nothing. Soon it will mean nothing for Sans either, who will remain my eternally willing play mate.

... But that's about it. As riveted as I am by his boss battle in the game, and as much fun as I have imagining myself really going toe-to-toe with him, this premise is rather narrow. It relies too much on canon to be truly interesting, and it gets stagnant fast when it's just the two of us confined to one mostly-empty location. I want something bigger, more exciting, and more personalized! So let's take this storyline, and mutate it with some fun facts from my real life...

Scenario #2

No One Likes a Cheater. I have a confession to make: I have never finished Undertale's G-route. Of course I've watched other people play it to completion and more than once started it up myself, but I personally have never made it past Undyne the Undying. I am very bad at video games and I don't really care to improve, so when my love for Sans resurfaced, I didn't even bother with formalities. I used a save editor and skipped straight to the boss battle of my most beloved skeleton.

If Sans knew this, he would first of all feel disgusted beyond belief. The sentiment "I killed everyone just to see you!" is perverse enough by itself, and now he's discovered that technically I didn't actually kill anyone? I valued their lives so little that my time would be wasted by anything more than a few keystrokes here, a button click there. I never faced them. Not Papyrus, not Toriel, not the residents of Snowdin Town, none of them. I wasn't forced to contend with the real people I so effortlessly snuffed out. This is the ultimate reduction of precious life to "number on a screen."

Secondly, Sans would feel insulted. I said he "discovers" my cheating because that really is something he can do. If you enter the Judgement Hall with botched stats— like a mismatch between your LV and your kill count— he won't hesitate to call you on it. So even though my save file runs correctly in the real world, perhaps in the yumeverse Sans, as usual, sees right through me. And he does not like what he sees. He refuses to fight me and immediately leaves. Not knowing my true motives, he heads home, hoping I'll go be somebody else's problem.

Of course it can't be that easy. I technically-didn't-kill everyone just to see him after all, and I won't leave unless he spars with me. I don't care about the Barrier, the Surface, Flowey, the King, the universe, its destruction, or the fate of my SOUL. I only care about Sans! And I want his attention, and I want him to battle me! On principle he refuses to give in. There's no way he would indulge the mass murdering brat who ruined his life and destroyed the world as he knew it. No way.

But my LV is so high, I'm a real danger to the surviving monsters. At LV19, I might turn someone to dust with a disapproving glance. Sans is keenly aware that, should I become violent, he is the only one who could possibly hope to subdue me. He can't help but feel obligated to keep an eye on me. That part is easy, though, seeing as by now I've become his full-time stalker. He can't go anywhere without tripping over me. It's annoying as hell, and my presence isolates him from his remaining friends. No one can quite remember my murderous rampage— the memories themselves are distorted and hard to access— it was me, but I wasn't there, or was I? The population-level memory-fuck makes the recent genocide all the more harrowing. Still, one look at this creepy, humanoid stranger is enough for everyone to draw the right conclusion: that thing is dangerous. And if Sans is with that dangerous thing, they'd better stay away from him, too.

"Isn't it weird, also, that from a distance it looks like they're talking? And that thing is laughing? Is he telling it jokes? Are they friends? How can Sans stand to be close with a creature as vile as that?" Sans gets where they're coming from, but they have it all wrong. We aren't friends. Sans tolerates me the way you tolerate a mosquito that buzzes close enough to hear but too far away to clap between your hands. Nothing will drive me away, so it's nice that he can bully me without consequence, and even better that I completely deserve it. God, I am annoying, though. No, he won't show me his magic. No, he won't "take a shortcut" with me. No, he won't do that thing with his pupils. Most importantly, he won't respond to my violent threats with anything more than a bored look.

Slowly, painstakingly, over many days and weeks, my behaviour improves. I'm still fixated on Sans to an absurd degree, but I'm no longer trying to attack him from a blind-spot to trigger a battle. Any more of those outbursts and he'd have more holes than walls— because, right! I live in his house now, too! It's crazy how familiar he's gotten with stumbling into the kitchen, half-asleep, bee-lining for the coffee pot and finding a family annhilator fast asleep in his sink, drooling on yet another article of clothing that was stolen from him. He'll hate to see me wearing that shirt later, but it's not like he wants it back, either. If there's one thing Sans will never get used to, it's my unrepentant crush. He can barely comprehend what I see in him that would drive me to such extreme violence. Even more flabbergasting— why the hell would he want to hold my hand?? He might actually prefer dodging knives to dodging kisses.

Still, it's the only real leverage he has over me. He's a fairly principled guy, not one to do something he doesn't believe in, so it's not like he would allow himself to be blackmailed into a more intimate relationship. In truth my demands for closeness grate on his nerves more than anything else. But he will occasionally acquiese, just enough to keep me where he can see me. To his chagrin, it seems to be working, which means he has to keep doing it... but really, what other choice does he have? The whole thing is fucked from the start. Sans should be glad to see any progress in this slap-dash conditioning project. If Papyrus was alive, he'd do the same thing, and do it a whole lot better, too. Sans owes it to him, and to everyone else who survived my massacre, to keep me as his happy little prisoner. Like this, I can't hurt anyone else. Nobody but Sans, who finds himself growing more and more accustomed to our twisted game of house. We serve our sentence lackadaisically, facetiously, and he hopes against hope for a miracle, since we both know who's really holding the keys...


There you have it. That's likely my best shot at a unique self-insert scenario for Classic Undertale. I wrote a lot more than I expected to, but it was lots of fun! Next time I want to write more about my favourite Alternate Universes, too. This page is long enough as is, so I'll sign off here.

Thanks for tuning in!