October 2024


TimeLovely night~
CardThe Star (R)
MoodCheeky, energetic
MusicBen Folds (old faves)

Happy Halloween, everyone!!! It's hard to believe it's been 7 months since my last update... but I just love web design so much, I simply couldn't stay away. By now, I'm sure you've all heard about the controversies that sparked my disappearance... the accusations made.... Surely, for you it was just passing gossip, where you made up your mind after five minutes and forgot just as quickly, but for the sake of my own character— my sense of integrity and my personal pride— I want to address the allegations directly.

First of all, the literal defintion of lolicon is, "I'm just fucking with you." Happy April Fools.

... was that funny? Was that a funny joke??? If you didn't laugh, just forget I said anything. I thought it'd be a good prank if I pretended that my diary from October had somehow travelled backwards in time for your viewing pleasure on this lovely April 1st. I thought about commenting on some made-up world events, but I don't keep up with anything well enough to make predictions (accurate or otherwise) or care much about release dates. Would it have been funnier if I said something silly about Deltarune Chapter 3??? Hm. I'll try that next year.

And in case you were wondering, "why October?" It's because purple is a Halloween colour! I think blue or yellow are much better for April, but Roki!Sans by あひん was too cute to pass up, (while the UTAU cover itself... leaves much to be desired). It could have been even more Halloweeny, since I kept picking out pink and purple candy stickers, but I restrained myself. It's still gotta be convincingly springlike! In this case, it embodies the strength and energy of the season— the push to be reborn. So... yeah! This is my real, actual design for April! Tomorrow, I'll change the dates and use this page as normal.

Anyways, today has been a lovely day for me. It's kinda crazy how quickly I go from, "who cares! I give up on everything!!!" to "actually? I need to do better right now ASAP." Yesterday's diary entry touches on a bit of that, but it ends on a sort of defeatist note. Of course, I'll become depressed again. That's just how this goes. I have no control over feeling painful emotions, but I don't have to wallow in them— and even if I go back to wallowing again later, at least I'll have had some good days in between.

Really, really good days! I love keeping myself busy!!! I love sitting upright at my desk and cooking rice and tidying up and I especially love taking cute pictures because— guess what! It's not just April Fool's Day... it's also Sans's birthday!!!! Er, at least it's the birthday that I made up for him. I made my doll a little crown to celebrate. Seems this is also the SANSDOLL reveal... oops? I've been meaning to write about him for a while now— and honestly all of this belongs in my UNDERTALE diary instead— but I only have time to publish this one page tonight, so... tough. You and me both will have to deal.

If any of my doll friends are reading... I'll see you again soon!!! Part of my push towards better health and a better life is to stay in contact with people. I know for a fact that bad days are saved by good company. It's just a matter of creating a sustainable lifestyle for myself. Being an introvert autist with 1,000 mental problems is hard! But this is the only life that I have, so I need to live it to its fullest.

I've got lots to say about that— how I plan to make it happen, the things I've been enjoying, the people who inspire and support me— but it's already so late at night... yawn! What a pleasant fatigue I'm feeling after my day full of fun.

★ My Happiness ★

My giant photo album full of stickers. People who love me. Patience. Coherent breathing. Little quartz necklace. Breakfast. Sans.